A Methodist minister in Kansas, living on a small salary, was greatly troubled to get his quarterly installment. He at last told the non-paying trustees that he must have his money, as he was in dire need of the necessities of life. 'Money!' replied the trustees, 'you preach for money? We thought you preached for the good of souls?' 'Souls!' responded the minister. 'I can't eat souls, and if I could, it would take a thousand such as yours to make a meal.'

Lightening Rod:
What you suggest reminds me of a man out west who, though not overly pious was quite rich. He built a church for the poor people  of his  neighborhood,  and  when  the church was finished the people took it into their heads that it needed a lightning rod. They went to the rich man asked for money to help pay for it.
'Money for a lightning rod!' he said. 'Not a red cent! If the Lord wants to thunder down on His own house, He can do it.'

Lincoln On A Tariff:
When I was a clerk in a grocery store in New Salem, a man came in and said to the storekeeper: 'I want a nickel's worth of ginger snaps.'  When they were laid out on the counter, the customer changed his mind and said: 'I'll have a glass of cider instead.'
He drank the cider and turned toward the door. 'Here, Bill,' said the storekeeper, 'ain't you goin' to pay for that cider?'  The reply came back: 'Didn't I give you the ginger snaps for it?'  'Well, then, pay me for the ginger snaps.'  But I never ate your ginger snaps,' was the quick answer.  The storekeeper grudgingly admitted that he had told the truth, but added he had lost something, somehow, in the deal.
'So it is with the tariff:  someboby loses, but I don't know as yet who it is.'

Lincoln's Favorite Story About Himself:
Two Quakers were traveling on the railroad and were heard discussing the probable result of the war.  'I think,' said the first, 'that Jefferson will succeed.'  'Why does thee think so?' asked the second.  'Because Jefferson is a praying man.'  'And so is Abraham a praying man.'  'Yes, but the Lord will think Abraham is only joking,' doubtfully replied the first.

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