|
Current News Humor
Lent Anecdotes
|
NEW AT FUNNYSERMONS.COM. WE ARE OFFERING ILLUSTRATIONS AND QUOTATIONS OF THE NON-HUMOROUS TYPE (HYPERLINKED IN RED) FOR REGISTERED MEMBERS.
One laugh of a child will make the holiest day more sacred still.
-- Robert G. Ingersoll
Lectionary Passages for March 11th, 2007
Third Sunday During Lent, Year C
Isaiah 55:1-9 theme: good ; free
theme one-liner: good ; free
Isaiah 55
Invitation to the Lord’s
Salvation 1 “Is anyone
thirsty?
Come and drink —
even if you have no
money !
Come, take your choice of wine or milk—
it’s all
free!
2 Why spend your money on food
that does not give you strength?
Why pay for food that does you no
good?
Listen to me, and you will eat what is good.
You will enjoy
the finest food.
3 “Come to me with your ears wide
open.
Listen, and you will find life.
I will make an everlasting
covenant with you.
I will give you all the unfailing love I promised to
David.
4 See how I used him to
display my power among the peoples.
I made him a leader among the
nations.
5 You also will command
nations you do not know,
and peoples unknown to you will come running
to obey ,
because I, the Lord
your God,
the Holy One of Israel, have made you glorious.”
6 Seek the Lord while you can find
him.
Call on him now while he is near.
7 Let the wicked change their ways
and banish
the very thought of doing wrong.
Let them turn to the Lord that he may have mercy on
them.
Yes, turn to our God, for he will forgive generously.
8 “My thoughts are nothing like your
thoughts,” says the Lord.
“And my ways are far
beyond anything you could imagine.
9
For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so my ways are
higher than your ways
and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.
|
Psalm 63:1-8 theme: water
theme one-liner: want ; water
Psalm 63
A psalm of David, regarding a time when David was in the wilderness of
Judah. 1 O God, you are my
God ;
I earnestly search for you.
My soul thirsts for
you;
my whole body longs for you
in this parched and weary
land
where there is no water.
2 I have seen you in your sanctuary
and gazed
upon your power and glory.
3 Your
unfailing love is better than life itself;
how I praise you!
4 I will praise you as long as I
live,
lifting up my hands to you in prayer.
5 You satisfy me more than the richest feast.
I
will praise you with songs of joy.
6 I lie awake thinking of
you,
meditating on you through the night.
7 Because you are my helper,
I sing for joy in
the shadow of your wings.
8 I cling
to you;
your strong right hand holds me securely .
|
Luke 13:1-9 theme: fruit ; farmer
theme one-liner: fruit ; gardener
Luke 13
A Call to Repentance 1 About
this time Jesus was informed that Pilate had murdered some people from Galilee
as they were offering sacrifices at the Temple. 2 “Do you think those Galileans were worse sinners
than all the other people from Galilee?” Jesus asked. “Is that why
they suffered? 3 Not at all!
And you will perish, too, unless you repent of your sins and turn to God.
4 And what about the eighteen people
who died when the tower in Siloam fell on them? Were they the worst sinners in
Jerusalem? 5 No, and I tell
you again that unless you repent, you will perish, too.”
Parable of the Barren Fig Tree 6
Then Jesus told this story: “A man planted a fig tree in his garden and
came again and again to see if there was any fruit on it, but he was always
disappointed. 7 Finally, he
said to his gardener, ‘I’ve waited three years, and there hasn’t been a single
fig! Cut it down. It’s just taking up space in the garden.’
8 “The gardener answered, ‘Sir,
give it one more chance . Leave it another year, and I’ll give it special
attention and plenty of fertilizer. 9 If we get figs next year, fine. If not, then you
can cut it down.’”
|
1 Corinthians
10:1-13 theme: care for ; choice ; choice
theme one-liner: choice
1 Corinthians 10
Lessons from Israel’s Idolatry 1
I don’t want you to forget, dear brothers and sisters, about our ancestors
in the wilderness long ago. All of them were guided by a cloud that moved ahead
of them, and all of them walked through the sea on dry ground. 2 In the cloud and in the sea, all of them were baptized
as followers of Moses. 3 All of them ate
the same spiritual food, 4 and all of
them drank the same spiritual water. For they drank from the spiritual rock that
traveled with them, and that rock was Christ. 5 Yet God was not pleased with most of them, and their
bodies were scattered in the wilderness.
6 These things happened as a warning
to us, so that we would not crave evil things as they did, 7 or worship idols as some of them did. As the Scriptures
say, “The people celebrated with feasting and drinking, and they indulged in
pagan revelry." 8 And
we must not engage in sexual immorality as some of them did, causing 23,000 of
them to die in one day.
9 Nor should we put Christ to the test, as some
of them did and then died from snakebites. 10 And don’t grumble as some of them did, and then were
destroyed by the angel of death. 11 These
things happened to them as examples for us. They were written down to warn us
who live at the end of the age.
12 If you think you are standing
strong, be careful not to fall. 13 The
temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God
is faithful . He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand.
When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.
|
Holy Bible. New Living Translation copyright © 1996, 2004 by Tyndale Charitable Trust. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers.
|