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03-15-2007 PDF Print E-mail
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Wednesday, 09 August 2006

Newsletter for March 15, 2007

A cheerful heart is good medicine.
Proverbs 17:22

Current News Humor 

St. Patrick's Day One-liners

St. Patrick's Day Anecdotes 


 

 

NEW AT FUNNYSERMONS.COM.  WE ARE OFFERING ILLUSTRATIONS AND QUOTATIONS OF THE NON-HUMOROUS TYPE (HYPERLINKED IN RED) FOR REGISTERED MEMBERS.

"Deadly" is a good adjective to use with "serious."  I have never heard the phrase "deadly" humorous. -- Lois Grant Palches


Lectionary Passages for March 25th, 2007
Fifth Sunday During Lent, Year C

Isaiah 43:16-21   theme:  future ; past
theme one-liner:  past ; future

 


 16 I am the Lord, who opened a way through the waters,
      making a dry path through the sea.
 17 I called forth the mighty army of Egypt
      with all its chariots and horses.
   I drew them beneath the waves, and they drowned,
      their lives snuffed out like a smoldering candlewick.

 18 “But forget all that—
      it is nothing compared to what I am going to do.
 19 For I am about to do something new.
      See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?
   I will make a pathway through the wilderness.
      I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.
 20 The wild animals in the fields will thank me,
      the jackals and owls, too,
      for giving them water in the desert.
   Yes, I will make rivers in the dry wasteland
      so my chosen people can be refreshed.
 21 I have made Israel for myself,
      and they will someday honor me before the whole world.

 

 

Psalm 126   theme:  rejoice ; deliverance
theme one-liner:  rejoice

 

   

Psalm 126

A song for pilgrims ascending to Jerusalem.
 1 When the Lord brought back his exiles to Jerusalem,
      it was like a dream !
 2 We were filled with laughter ,
      and we sang for joy.
   And the other nations said,
      “What amazing things the Lord has done for them.”
 3 Yes, the Lord has done amazing things for us!
      What joy!

 4 Restore our fortunes, Lord,
      as streams renew the desert.
 5 Those who plant in tears
      will harvest with shouts of joy.
 6 They weep as they go to plant their seed,
      but they sing as they return with the harvest.

   

 

John 12:1-8   theme:  now ; enjoy
theme one-liner:  enjoy

 

   

John 12

Jesus Anointed at Bethany
 1 Six days before the Passover celebration began, Jesus arrived in Bethany, the home of Lazarus—the man he had raised from the dead. 2 A dinner was prepared in Jesus’ honor. Martha served , and Lazarus was among those who ate with him. 3 Then Mary took a twelve-ounce jar of expensive perfume made from essence of nard, and she anointed Jesus’ feet with it, wiping his feet with her hair. The house was filled with the fragrance.

 4 But Judas Iscariot, the disciple who would soon betray him, said, 5 “That perfume was worth a year’s wages. It should have been sold and the money given to the poor.” 6 Not that he cared for the poor —he was a thief, and since he was in charge of the disciples’ money, he often stole some for himself.

 7 Jesus replied, “Leave her alone. She did this in preparation for my burial. 8 You will always have the poor among you, but you will not always have me.”

 

   

Philippians 3:4-14   theme:  prize
theme one-liner:  prize

   

4 though I could have confidence in my own effort if anyone could. Indeed, if others have reason for confidence in their own efforts, I have even more!

 5 I was circumcised when I was eight days old. I am a pure-blooded citizen of Israel and a member of the tribe of Benjamin—a real Hebrew if there ever was one! I was a member of the Pharisees, who demand the strictest obedience to the Jewish law. 6 I was so zealous that I harshly persecuted the church. And as for righteousness, I obeyed the law without fault.

 7 I once thought these things were valuable , but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done. 8 Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ 9 and become one with him. I no longer count on my own righteousness through obeying the law; rather, I become righteous through faith in Christ. For God’s way of making us right with himself depends on faith. 10 I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I want to suffer with him, sharing in his death, 11 so that one way or another I will experience the resurrection from the dead!

Pressing toward the Goal
 12 I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. 13 No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it,  but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.

   

 

Holy Bible. New Living Translation copyright © 1996, 2004 by Tyndale Charitable Trust. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers.


 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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