GADGETS:
There is a new umbrella that allows you to take pictures with a built-in camera. The Pileus umbrella also has GPS and a digital compass. Didn't the Penguin have something like this in the old "Batman" series?

FIRING:
This past week NBC had canceled its onetime hit series "The Apprentice." It is ironic but someone had to tell Mr. Trump: "You're Fired."

VACATION:
Britain's top general said that Prince Harry will not be sent with his unit to Iraq citing that it will threaten the third line to the throne and add risks to his fellow soldiers. So I guess that now he will guard something in the Bahamas.

APPROVAL:
A new Gallup Poll finds continued low levels of public support for both Congress and President Bush. The Congress' approval rating is at 29 percent. I think this means that more Americans like Paris Hilton than most members of Congress.

REJECTION:
Last week, more than half of the members of Iraq's parliament rejected the continuing occupation of their country, which makes it clear that nobody on earth now wants us there.

GREED:
If the minimum wage had risen at the same rate as the average CEO's pay, it would have been $22.61 per hour in 2006. Being CEO is the only job in the world where being a miserable failure gets you a raise.

Officials in Michigan predict tickets for their $50 Super Raffle will sell out despite being the most costly US lottery tickets in history. It's designed to be less effort for those people who regularly buy fifty dollars worth of Scratch-Its and have developed Carpal Tunnel.

THEFT:
In Dallas, a suspect had been arrested in the theft of $250,000 worth of Skittles candy. I bet the police looked for a suspect who was in a diabetic coma. Despite the actual shortage, it is surprising that Skittles hasn't skyrocketed to three-fifty a gallon.

Between 100,000 and 300,000 barrels a day of Iraq's declared oil production over the past four years is unaccounted for and could have been siphoned off through corruption, which explains why we're being forced to pay black market prices for gas.

Authorities say a Mexican doctor surgically removed drug trafficker's fingerprints, substituting skin from the soles of their feet, to help the traffickers avoid arrest. It was bad enough we have to take our shoes off at the airport, now we're going to have to start taking them off to get our driver's license too.

FIGHTING:
In Boston last week, a brawl broke our during the Boston Pops concert. The police say the fight started after one man tapped the other on the shoulder with a program to complain about excessive noise. That guy who was making that excessive noise also attends the concerts I go to.

Soccer fans in England are outraged at having to pay $16 for a hamburger at stadiums. I have seen European soccer games before, and the last thing you want to do to these spectators is to tick them off.

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