STUPID:
In California, two armed suspects robbed a restaurant before one accidentally shot himself while fleeing. After the cashier handed them the register cash drawer, both suspects removed the cash and attempted to flee out the door. When the door failed to open and the suspects ran into each other, one accidentally discharged his weapon and injured himself. I can hear the Benny Hill music on this one.

WEALTH:
A bank robber in Washington fled in a Lexus car. I guess the robbers in Washington can afford a Lexus, or maybe, a Lexus is so expensive that they need to rob banks in order to make the monthly payment.

IMPOSSIBLE:
The icy peak of Mount Everest is lighter by about 1,000 pounds of trash. More than a dozen mountaineers pitched in for the latest effort to tidy up the world's highest mountain. I am sure you are wondering the same thing I am: How did 1,000 pounds of trash get up there in the first place?

REPLACEMENT:
Now that Rosie O'Donnell has left the ABC's "The View." I wonder who will replace her?   The list includes Roseanne Barr, Whoopi Goldberg, Bette Midler, Ricki Lake and Oprah Winfrey's friend, Gayle King. I am betting on Oprah's friend. Whoever they get that person will appear shy, quiet, and passive compared to Rosie.

DEMAND:
Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban is part of a group considering formation of a football league that would compete with the NFL for players drafted lower than the second round. The league would play its games on Friday nights. Cuban said, "It's a pretty simple concept. We think there is more demand for pro football than supply." He thinks America needs more football. There is not enough football on Sunday and Monday. Not to mention on Thursday and Saturday too. I think if we showed a game during a church service, we would have full attendance.

STRENGTH:
During the French Open, Venus Williams hit a serve at 128 miles-an-hour. Doesn't a bullet fly that fast?  How can that be returned? I think that would put a hole in my racket.

A British swimmer Lewis Gordon Pugh nicknamed the Polar Bear will become the first man to swim .62 miles at the North Pole. His swim will take place in an area that used to be completely frozen over at this time of year in hopes people will realize the impact of global warming. And I feel the Atlantic Ocean is too cold during the summer months at Myrtle Beach.

STRATEGY:
President Bush in a press conference said, "Our new strategy is designed to help Iraq's leaders provide security for their people and get control of their money supply." How can we do that for them when we can't even do that for ourselves?

EMBARASSMENT:
The tabloid TV shows are having a field day showing video from this week's Miss Universe pageant, which turned painful for Miss USA Rachel Smith when she slipped and fell onstage. Later, during the Q&A segment, the Mexico City crowd taunted her with loud boos and whistles. And you thought you had a bad week.

TOPPER:
If you need another good laugh, after church, go fill up your gas tank.

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