I'm not saying the Patriot Act has made Americans feel more secure, and I suppose not everyone likes the idea of having our phone lines tapped---but isn't nice to know that we finally have a government that really listens to its people?

POOR:
Two hundred miles off the coast of New Orleans the largest oil reserve is believed to have been discovered.  It could be worth over $15 billion.  Well, I guess now, the oil companies can start getting out of the poorhouse.

OUTCASTS:
A man named James Hill, a disabled truck driver and self-described pirate, is running for Congress.  This guy sounds like Ross Perot without the money. A pirate will fit perfectly in Congress.

SOCIAL ROLES:
On Tuesday, Katie Couric made her debut on the "CBS Evening News" and Rosie O'Donnell made her debut on ABC's "The View."  I think television is becoming one big chick-flick.

SUCCESS:
Police have arrested another actor from the series "Lost."  This brings the number of arrests  for the show's cast to around seven.  Why does success bring out the worst in people?

GOOD WORKS:
Jerry Lewis' annual Labor Day Telethon has raises a record $ 61 million for muscular dystrophy this week.  I'll donate a hundred dollars, if it would stop Jerry from singing.

STUPID:
Making a Labor Day appearance in Maryland, President Bush said, "dependence on foreign oil jeopardizes our ability to grow."  He added, "Problem is, we get oil from some parts of the world and they simply don't like us."  You know, I never thought of that.

JUSTICE:
Andre Agasi played his heart out this weekend at the U.S. Open.  He is older and has a bad back, but he could beat me on the court any day.

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