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Current News Humor Current News Humor, First Week In October - 2008 | Current News Humor, First Week In October - 2008 |
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| Friday, 06 April 2007 | ||||
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Disapprove Congress now has a 10 percent approval rating; I didn't know it was that high. Confidence Believe it or not, Americans' confidence in the economy has unexpectedly improved for September, as the nation's Consumer Confidence Index is now at 59.8, up from 58.5 in August. They must have polled people who do not own a TV or read a newspaper. The Dow Jones dropped 777 points on Monday, which wiped out $1.2 trillion dollars in the stock market. Financial experts say they haven't seen that much money lost since Bill Gates misplaced his wallet. The economy is in a depression. To give you an idea of how bad it is, I wrote a check this week and the bank bounced. Greed It appears that Congress has reached a deal to rescue Wall Street. Leading lawmakers say an agreement in principle has been reached and Americans can expect passage of the bill. What this means to the American people? That the fat-cat CEOs will get their golden parachute paid with your taxes. Fake For those who need a "mental health day-off," an Australian website is selling fake doctor's notes for $38 apiece. Medical authorities down under are warning employees against using the online company that sells fake doctor's sick notes allowing people to take more time off. Aussie officials are calling the selling fake sick notes a "fraud." I know many of you would like to find a lot more about this website. Strange Ben & Jerry's won't be using breast milk in its ice cream after a proposal by PETA that the ice cream maker tap nursing moms, rather than cows, for the milk used in its ice cream. I once thought PETA - working to stop animal cruelty - were a sane group of people but no longer. A Wisconsin inmate who says he was forced to sleep on a moldy mattress has been awarded $295,000. The jury found that the mattress used by Reggie Townsend of Milwaukee was so unsanitary that it denied him the minimal civilized measure of life's necessities. Someday, inmates in jail will enjoy the comforts of Hilton Hotels. Stupid A Greenville, South Carolina, man was arrested this week after police say he used a cab to get to and from a bank robbery. I don't think he thought through his getaway plan. Fear "Panicky" investors have been raiding their 401-k retirement accounts recently. Financial analysts report a rise in "hardship withdrawals," despite steep tax penalties for raiding one's retirement account. Who needs to worry about retirement anyhow? By the time most of us are ready to retire, it's gonna be Madd Max and the Thunder Dome. To give you an idea how bad the economy is, Wall Street investors are now clinging to guns and religion. Heaven During a tribute to his friend, CBS' David Letterman pointed out that the late Paul Newman raised over 250 million dollars for charity during his lifetime. If you get to heaven, you're going to see Paul there.  Quote this article on your site | Views: 361 | Print | E-mail
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Lectionary Passages for November 23rd 2008
[Year A]
Proper 29(34)
Sundays after Pentecost
Ezekiel 34:11-16, 20-24
Psalm 100
Matthew 25:31-46
Ephesians 1:15-23
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