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| Thursday, 21 December 2006 | ||||
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Here are some Christmas jokes:
GAMBLING: MONEY: The father of one of Santa's elves was worried because his son spent a lot of money gambling. He asked Santa to help him solve his son's problem, and one day Santa came to the father elf and told him he thought he'd cured his son. "Really?" said the father. "What did you do?" "I caught him staring at my beard," replied Santa. He said, "Is your beard real or false? I bet you $5 it's false." "So I let him pull it to show it was real, and took the $5 off him." "Oh dear," said the elf's father. "He bet me $10 he'd pull your beard." DOUBT: A lad went into a pet shop to buy a bird for her husband's Christmas present. She pointed to one brightly-coloured creature. "That's a nice-looking bird," she said. "What is it?" "That, madam, is a gobble bird," replied the shop assistant. "Look, I'll show you what it does." And he waved a pen at the gobble bird and said, "Gobble bird, my pen," and the bird flew down, picked up the pen, and ate it. Then he said, "Gobble bird, my hanky," and the gobble bird grabbed his hanky from his pocket and ate that, too. "How amazing," said the customer. And she bought the gobble bird, took it home, and gave it to her husband on Christmas Day. He had never seen a gobble bird before, so his wife explained what it did. "I don't believe a word of it," snorted her husband. "Gobble bird, my foot..." ARGUING: During the Christmas Season, the department head in a store found one of his saleswomen arguing with a customer, so he took her on one side and told her she must never argue - the customer was always right. "Yes," agreed the saleswoman. "Well, what were you arguing about?" asked the department manager. "Actually, it was about you," she replied. "The customer said you were a fool, and I said you weren't." Five Ways To Confuse Santa Claus: 1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds. 2. While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket. 3. Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants. 4. While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly. 5. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit!  Quote this article on your site | Views: 589 | Print | E-mail
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Lectionary Passages for November 23rd 2008
[Year A]
Proper 29(34)
Sundays after Pentecost
Ezekiel 34:11-16, 20-24
Psalm 100
Matthew 25:31-46
Ephesians 1:15-23
Copyright 1992 by the Consultation on Common Texts (CCT). Nashville: Abingdon Press.
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