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Home arrow Current News Humor arrow Current News Humor: 1st Week In Jan.
Current News Humor: 1st Week In Jan. PDF Print E-mail
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Thursday, 10 August 2006
NEW YEAR:
Never tell your resolution beforehand, or it's twice as onerous a duty. -- John Selden

Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right. -- Oprah Winfrey

Some people think that the proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk.  This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to. -- P.J. O'Rourke

New Year's Day:  Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions.  Next week you can begin paving Hades with them as usual. -- Mark Twain

This New Year's day, an out-of-control patient from Edmonton, Alberta crawled from the back of an ambulance and into the driver's seat which lead the police on a high-speed chase.  Now that is the way to start a New Year.

A Boston hospital recorded New Year's births for the record books on Monday, welcoming both the first baby of the year and the last of the old year, who happened to be twins from the same mother.  Parents know the '06 twin will always boast to the younger how "I'm a year older than you" routine.

POLITICS:

In an open letter to the incoming Democratic majority, President Bush urges bipartisanship. He added, "If the Congress chooses to pass bills that are simply political statements, they will have chosen stalemate."  And I think President Bush knows about stalemates where neither side can win.

GREED:
Oil prices settled above $61 a barrel last Friday to finish 2006 roughly where they began, marking another tough year for energy consumers and and another stellar one for the petroleum industry.  You know, the industry that somehow made billions in profits after claiming they were the "biggest victims of Katrina."

HEALTH:
Starbucks Corporation is cutting trans fats from the doughnuts, muffins and other baked goods in half of its US stores, and plans to eventually drop the artery-clogging fats from company-operated coffeehouses across the country.  The way Americans love trans fats -- they will be out of business in four, five years tops.

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[Year A]
Proper 29(34)
Sundays after Pentecost

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