27 October 2009
Posted in Funny Sermon Starters - Week Of October 26th

Verse 1:  Praise the Lord!

Questions:
How do you praise the Lord?
Do you praise Him daily?
What should you be doing to praise Him?

Punchlines:
If we praise God like He deserves, we would never get anything else done.
Praise Him and hit your knees every morning even when getting out of the wrong side of the bed.

Verse 3:  Don’t put your confidence in powerful people…

Questions:
Who are some of the most powerful people in the world?
How did they get so powerful?

Punchlines:
The most powerful people I ever met were little children in a Toys R Us.
Lots of money does give you advantages like a higher divorce rate and higher alimony payments.   


Verse 4:  When they breathe their last, they return to the earth, and all their plans die with them.

Questions:
What plans did you have growing-up that didn’t work out?
Are you glad now that they didn’t work out?

Punchlines:
When I was young I wanted to be a (fill-in,) it didn’t work out as you can tell since I’m standing up in front of you.
Always have a Plan B when you start making Plan A.

Verse 7:  The Lord frees the prisoners.

Questions:
Did you ever go to a prison to counsel someone?
Did entering the prison make you nervous?

Punchlines:
As a minister I’ve met a lot of people in jail and they’re all innocent.
If you wanted a scary Halloween, go visit your county jail (name.)

Verse 9:  …but he frustrates the plans of the wicked.

Questions:
What frustrates you?
Is there anything you can do about it?

Punchlines:
I get frustrated when I have a lot of great ideas for a sermon but too few words.
It’s as frustrating as an atheist in heaven.