Current News One-Liners, First Week In March - 2010

Some Pennsylvania pizzeria workers claim to have seen Jesus recently in a bucket of tomato sauce.  How come these people who see images of Christ never get reborn?

A study finds that television may actually do no harm to babies.  It's the electronic babysitter.  Ask any parent or a person who volunteers for our church nursery.

A Washington State woman is going to jail for 45 days after being convicted of crashing weddings and stealing gifts.  I think I met this woman.  She said, “She was with the band.”

Bernie Madoff's daughter-in-law wants to divorce herself and her kids from their last name.  Same thing was done with the relatives of Judas Iscariot.

About a third of the members of Congress are now on Twitter.  I have a mind to tell them how bad things are and give them a 'tweet' of my mind.

President Obama had his first physical exam as president and the doctor said he was in much better shape than...the country.

At an auction in London a 507-carat diamond – the size of a chicken egg was sold for $35 million.  I'm  hoping it works, Tiger.